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So, I got hit by a bus…

October 21, 2012

Life has been… hectic, as of late…

I got hit by a bus on Wednesday.

I’m really not sure where to go from that statement. I suppose I should explain that I’m doing alright. So far there don’t seem to be any complications from it, and while my fingers are crossed, I’ll never be ready to walk away from getting hit by a bus and saying, “Oh yeah, I was 100% ok after that.” Probably because of the whole, you know, getting hit by a bus part.

It was weird, I was in a crosswalk, and it was one of those moments where you realize it’s coming. And no, to answer the question, my life didn’t flash before my eyes. The thought I had before the bus hit me was something along the lines of, “This guy isn’t slowing down, he’s going to hit me.” Then, you know, he hit me.

With a bus.

I don’t mean to harp on the subject but it does sort of just linger in my mind. This whole notion that I got hit by a bus, and thankfully was able to walk away from it. No annoying ambulance trips, or doctors taking the opportunity to get me in an MRI and diagnose me with something more ridiculous. Yet, there is still this whole aspect of getting hit by a bus.

I find it difficult to talk about, probably because the fact that I’m not laid up in a hospital bed seems to make it awkward for everybody. People have sort of paused upon seeing me, and awkwardly asked how I was doing. As if the fact that I was standing there talking normally after being hit by a bus didn’t indicate that things seemed to be (at least as far as my limited medical assessment skills can tell) fine.

As I then joke, it wasn’t a large bus. It was a short bus. More of a medium sized van, really.

Of course, I was still hit by a bus.

I’m not sure there is an easy way to process it. I’ve tried to just be thankful that I’m not more injured, but somewhere in the back of my head my brain needs to wonder why I’m getting hit by buses in the first place? Am I to be humbled? Do I view this as the universe’s making a threat against my existence? Is this the indication of a karmic turning point, or some sort of further karmic punishment? Again, I return to the idea that I should merely just be thankful that I’m not laying in a hospital bed right now.

 

Otherwise, I’m finding it difficult to sleep most days. Not going to sleep mind you, this isn’t some insomnia issue, but in actually getting deep, continuous, sleep. I wake up, or fall asleep seeming with little guidance as to what is going on.

The worst though is when I just fall asleep without intending to. Earlier today, I fell asleep at my desk, drooling and everything. It wasn’t a pretty sight, and it did not engender me to bear any further love toward Sundays. I keep fearing I’m going to end up in the west end yard one Monday night coming home from work.

I fear many things…

 

I got hit by a bus while looking for new furniture.

I’m looking for new furniture because most of mine is broken, and I rarely feel interested inviting people to come and sit on my old and broken furniture. I’m not a man who feels the need to fix things like chairs. I have other things to do, as long as the chair can still serve it’s base function of letting me sit quasi-comfortably, then I don’t care.

Not that I get those other things done, either.

Distractions, lack of disciplines, I don’t know…

Maybe it’s that I got hit by a bus.

Maybe it’s that I got hit by a bus while doing something so silly as trying to express a modicum of positive change in my life.

 

I feel like I’m making chocolate pudding at four in the morning.

 

Things are just spiraling and it’s hard to get a handle on them.

 

I feel like I’ve made these problems for myself, and that I should have a better handle on them. After all, I’m a Graduate of the College of William&Mary and I am better than this!

 

Yet…

 

I got hit by a bus.

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